I feel rubbish for many reasons. It feels like one of those DRAMA days that i used to have when i was a teenager. I am trying hard not to worry, not to be overcome by the situation, but it is a tough fight just to hold on to a thin thread of sanity.
Most disastrously, i have lost a cheque for £3,100 that was a loan from my company for my annual rail card. I don’t know how it happened – i’m sure i put it in my bag last night, but when i got to Winchester train station to pay it, i couldn’t find it. I assumed it was at work, but i’ve looked everywhere and i can’t find it. I spoke to Accounts and they have cancelled the cheque, so that’s a good thing. But i need to get my rail card today, and there needs two people to sign the cheque and one of them isn’t here today!
That’s not the only thing i lost yesterday. I went out running and lost my key. I asked a neighbour for a torch, i re-traced my steps, and very luckily found it not too far away. I was extremely lucky, but i feel awful that i lost it in the first place. I really must be more careful.
I have the afternoon off today because my partner and i are going to a multi-faith Channukah candle-lighting ceremony. I was looking forward to it, but now with the worry of this cheque i am feeling introverted and full of angst and not wanting to go. But i don’t really want to stay at work either because people keep asking questions and i am barely mananging to hold it together enough to answer all these questions.
Urrrggghh. There’s nothing to be gained by worrying. Worst case scenario: i have to buy a day ticket tomorrow and i might not get it refunded. That’s about £30 i could lose, which is adequate punishment for being so stupid for losing the cheque. I might feel shy at the Channukah this afternoon, or i might enjoy it. We shall wait and see.
I shouldn’t still get worked up like this.