Now something inside is awakening,
Like a dream I once had and forgot.
And it’s something I’m scared of
And something I don’t want to stop.
Sara Groves – Awakening
Stealing other people’s lyrics in order to convey your own feelings == WIN.
Lately i keep getting calling cards from God. Sometimes it just happens like that – a whole stack of coincidences arrange themselves to make an impression on me. I feel a spiritual hunger. I miss something about church, and christian music, and collaborative worship. I suddenly find myself surrounded by Christians and admiring the things they are doing.
My attitude is shifting ever so slightly, from “I don’t think i can ever be sure whether or not there is a God” to something more like, “I am willing to entertain the possibility there might be a loving God”. I realise there’s not a great deal of difference, but to me it feels different. One says there is no point even bothering to contemplate God, and the other says there is every reason to explore the possibility of a personal relationship with God.
Something is stirring within me, but i am very conscious that i have been at this point of “Awakening” many times before. What usually happens is one or two Christian friends give me some encouragement, and then a whole load more Christians put me off.
Christians, let me give you a clue: telling me i should not do yoga does more harm than the yoga itself would do. Telling me not to read certain books does more harm than the reading of those books. Condemning me for my sinful lifestyle does far more harm than my living with my loving partner (to whom i was not married) for four years. Thankfully we have now absolved ourselves of that particular ‘sin’ by getting married! :)
Today i encountered some Christians from various churches in the centre of Winchester. They call it “Healing on the Streets”. I received some prayer for healing for my shoulders, neck and jaw … which are always tense due to stress and grinding my teeth at night. They were very kind and i enjoyed to be prayed for. I met someone who attends the Harvest church, which i have been vaguely thinking about trying out. I didn’t make any promises, but i might visit tomorrow.
In wonderful contrast to Christianity, i also bought a book today called Fuck It. The Ultimate Spiritual Way. I have just started reading it, and i’m quite enjoying it. It’s an amusing little book that could teach us all to just lighten up, relax, let go, stop making everything so meaning-full. It’s the western equivalent of all that mystical eastern teaching, but without any new-age esoteric complications. It’s so simple! Just try saying “Fuck it” to something that’s bothering you, and see if you enjoy the freedom that results!